January 2010
December 2009
Today my dad said “How you end your year is how the next one is going to be”
It definitely explains this past year and definitely doesn’t look like I have a very promising future.
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What is your last played songgg?
pajama party by swimming with dolphins!
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How are you supposed to feel comfortable with someone else when they don’t even make you feel comfortable with yourself?
I have had a bit of wine and I am now drunk texting my boyfriend.
“Generally, your nature is much too primesautiere [impulsive], as the French say;...”
– Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
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What are you most excited about right now?
going back to richmond in 3 weeks
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what is your favorite fruit and why
watermelon. they have this distinctive taste that’s just so good and they’re like all water, so you can eat sooo much watermelon so quickly.
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onlinejournals:
I guess I just want someone to listen to me talk sometimes, not try and help me figure it all out or something like that. I’ve got good reasoning skills, I can figure out my own problems. I just want you to listen when I say things and understand that that’s me getting it out of my head and into the cold wind. But I don’t really do that a lot. I guess that’s why I’m always...
onlinejournals:
I think highly of my reputation with women. I attribute my attractiveness to any woman mainly to the idea that all of the women who’ve loved me know that, if given the chance, I’ll love them more than I love myself. I think this has something to do with the desperate nature of the dying animal. I love the same way I die; steadily, violently, and with great gusto and vocabulary.
...
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Sorry, I’m a copycat.
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I’m coming over but it never was enough.
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you.
I feel so unstable. I get mad at everything, even the tiniest things. I am not happy with anyone or anything in my life right now. Not even people barely in my life, like the people back in Richmond. Nothing is good enough. I’m so frustrated. I feel something different everyday. I’m so angry.
Me and my mom got in a fight tonight because she acts like a teenager. Me and my sister went to the Nachreiner family party for the first time in maybe 4 years and they were all super excited to see us. I had a conversation with my blind Aunt Karen for the first time ever in my life. Everyone has kids..I felt kind of pressured to have an illegitimate child soon.
This story’s old but it goes on and on until we disappear
I want to feel like I belong to someone.
My dad spoke about his childhood to me for the first time ever today. Maybe because it was the first time we’ve been alone together in years and he can finally talk to me like an adult. I don’t know.
I’m starting to think that memories aren’t meant to last. Our brains forget things and altar them or just hide them away until something triggers them back. But if nothing ever triggers them, are they lost forever? Printed photographs can be destroyed or lost, digital photographs can be lost forever by deletion or hard drive crash or the slight chance that the internet might completely...
Oh and relying on others just screws you over in the end. I feel like no one is responsible or reliable anymore. GROW UP.
Day 6
I’m almost at the one week mark and thankfully the pain has subsided to just a dull discomfort. I still can’t open my mouth up all the way, I think because of the stitches. This inhibits me from brushing my teeth thoroughly, as well. I hope I’ll be almost fully healed by Christmas so I can eat all the delicious food without being in pain or fear of getting stuff infected....
hide me in your humiliation.
Laying in bed the past few days, I have watched a lot of movies. I can’t get myself to watch THE movie because of this scene…
Today my sister told me that when we left my dad, he was most worried about me and Shannon and what would happen to us and what we would think of him. I didn’t want to tell her that I still think of him negatively in regards to my childhood and past. I guess I’m giving him the present and future to make up for it? But she says he’s definitely changed and I wish I could believe...
It’s Day 4 and the pain has not subsided. Ibuprofen helps, but when it wears off, the pain is so bad that I shake. It only really hurts on my right side, but it hurts on my tongue, my throat, all of my teeth. It’s awful. The doctor said it’s normal which sucks. I can’t sleep for longer than maybe 5 hours, which is how long the medication works.
I hate the word “lame.”
I watched 2/3 Underworlds today and once again thought of the pros and cons of being a vampire and/or werewolf, according to Underworld.
I would like to be an Underworld vampire because:
-They’re hotties
-They don’t have ridiculous uncontrollable thirst for human blood. They can easily coexist with humans without wanting to attack them.
-They drink blood out of wine glasses.
...
Getting my wisdom teeth out tomorrow morning. :/
back in buffalo
So I’ve been back in Buffalo since Wednesday, I think and it’s even worse than being bored in Richmond. My internet doesn’t work, I have no bed, my friends aren’t even here yet (what friends I have left here), etc. I’m whining, wahh. It is bitter cold, it hurts. I get to sing on Sunday though and every Sunday until I go home, plus Lessons and Carols and Christmas Eve....
